The Small Things

I had a pretty good day today. Before I even got out of bed I prayed for the day ahead and the people in my life. It's been a while since I've done that. I usually pray throughout the day and at night. I'm not a morning person so I have a hard enough time getting out of the bed and don't think about praying. I definitely noticed a difference in my energy and peace throughout the day. Another thing that I did differently was actually sit down with my kids for dinner. Usually after a long work day, I come home cook dinner at the same time as overseeing homework. The kids take showers, go to bed, I clean up and crash. I forget to feed myself sometimes. But today I slowed down. I ate with them and we talked. This use to be normal for us but I've allowed myself to get too busy. It felt great and I could tell that they enjoyed it. We can't take small things like this for granted. Pretty soon they'll be off to college and I'll miss them at my dinner table 😢 Until then I will cherish every moment and choose to slow down!

Never too late to get it right

My last blog was focused on finding myself before I turned 30. I talked mostly about my rocky marriage and my insecurities. Well I am almost 30 (in 6 months), and I've come to realize that I am on many journeys and trying to figure it all out by the time I turn a certain age is not realistic. No matter how old I am I will always be on a journey to be better in one way or another. 

As of lately my focus has been on my relationship/walk with Jesus and being a better mommy. I now have three children which include my four month old baby girl Ari. I have been through major transitions this year and have made some decisions completely based on my emotions which is not the best thing to do. Through all of this I feel like I've hurt my children and that is why this current journey that I'm on is to become a better, more focused, God fearing and trusting mom. 

I have never doubted my ability to raise a child. In fact, I am a great mother. However, there is always room for improvement. When my husband and I made the final decision to split last September, I was a few weeks pregnant with our daughter. I no longer felt wanted or appreciated in our home and I'm sure he felt the same. Satan was working overtime in our minds. My first reaction was to flee. Without stopping and thinking and waiting on direction from God, I just left. I'm not saying we were suppose to stay together, but I could have waited to place myself and my children in a better situation. Instead I ran to a family members house and on to the next family member and back again. My kids are now switching schools and it has been just a mess. I feel awful for my oldest son. As young, immature parents we've allowed him to see and hear way too much. One thing is for sure, I will never argue in front of my children again. Amari ( my oldest) is very sensitive and emotional like myself. I pray for peace over his mind and heart because he has taken on so much. I'm learning how to talk to him differently and how to pray with him and not just for him. He needs to see growth in his mother. Our living situation is still a little rocky  but I've gone back to work after having my baby and trusting God that this situation will also change soon. 

So this current journey is all about growing and maturing as a woman of God and a now single mom of three. And although I say single mom that is in no way insinuating that they have a dead beat dad because they do not at all. We just aren't together so it is an adjustment. 

I hope that through this blog I can encourage any mother who ever had one of those days where they question if they are doing this thing called motherhood right. As well as womanhood because we can't lose ourselves through raising our children. And the biggest lesson I've learned so far is to stop trying to do it without God.